Why "Being Yourself" at Work is Overrated
What I'm reading this week: the limits of “being yourself,” the hierarchy of helpfulness, and why reliability can quietly backfire.
Every other Thursday, I share a curated roundup on the culture of work. They’re the stories that made me pause, take notes, or text a friend “you have to read this.”
I do this because understanding how work is changing is a real competitive advantage. The people who stay ahead aren’t just working harder (lame!), they’re paying attention to how the game itself is evolving.
Consider this your shortcut to what matters most in modern work.
This week features links from HBR, WSJ, and Daniel Debow. Total read time: <8 mins.
The new rules of leadership, helpfulness, and holding it together when you’re everyone’s go-to.
My Links
THE ARTICLES I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS WEEK
#1: When authentic leadership backfires (HBR)
I’m glad we’re finally having honest conversations about this. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says, “We should be able to bring our whole selves to work.”
I couldn’t disagree more. That kind of advice without any real guardrails sets people up to fail. It’s just not practical. There’s a version of you for work, for home, for friends, for family. They’re not all different people, but there’s an art to recalibrating (or code-switching) depending on the context. It doesn’t mean being fake. And to be fair, this comes naturally to me because my personality type ca be summarized as elusive lol, but I digress.
As this piece argues, feeling authentic doesn’t mean being seen as competent. The people who “just show up as themselves” aren’t always the ones others trust to lead. Ironically, it’s often the folks who know when to edit, adapt, or self-manage who come across as the most authentic in the end.
#2: How to be helpful as an early stage employee (Daniel Debow)
I love this and I’d argue it doesn’t just apply to early stage employees. Some of the leaders that I’ve worked with struggle to navigate team dynamics where their people either constantly point out problems, bring them problems, or have a lack of agency which leads to, you guessed it, not solving problems. Daniel Debow’s “Helpful Hierarchy” is one of the clearest frameworks I’ve seen for breaking that habit. It basically says the best employees don’t just identify issues (particularly issues that they can reasonably and independently solve), they own it, solve it, and then update their boss. (Think: “Hey, I saw a leak, found the wrench, fixed it, and mopped up.”)
If you manage people, share this. If you find yourself falling into this trap, apply this. It’s a simple reframe that builds trust and autonomy.
#3: When you’re the executive everyone relies on and you’re burning out (HBR)
You know that feeling when you’re carrying the weight of the world (well a team, a department, or a company) on your shoulders and it’s heavy as hell but you still have to carry it and get your work done? Heavy isn’t it? I’ve been there.
This article nails what it feels like to be the person who’s too good (there’s such a thing). You get more work because you get things done. But reliability can quietly become a trap. The piece walks through how to reset expectations, protect your bandwidth, and redefine what “go-to” should actually mean for you.
Similarly, WSJ recently wrote about “glue players”— employees that hold teams together. As organizations get leaner, they’re realizing (or they will realize) how critical these employees are in their ranks. And I’m speculating that in a few years time, there’ll be a fierce competition for “A players”.
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In case you missed it, I shared a few photos from my wedding day on Notes this week. I love them.
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Ashley
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The need to bring one’s “whole self to work” was always so weird to me. This is why professionalism has suffered imo, your work self cannot be the same as your friend self! I’d also add the misguided approach many younger ppl have around understanding carefully networking and collegial relationships and how that’s so important for the future of their careers. They frame this as “I do my work and go home, I’m not here to make friends.” Like… you’ll need ppl to vouch for you in future job recommendations, you absolutely need to socialize and make some impression on your colleagues and bosses.
CONGRATS on the wedding, love the dress!!! Did I read on Platonic Love that you two found each other Materialists-style via matchmaker?! Can someone interview you about this please?
Also, yes to the HBR article, another substacker I love (Tara Shuster) wrote about this in her second book. She called it "Mission to Mars" - saying you want the people next to you focused on the job, while still being kind to each other. Hard to balance when workplaces are actively making life harder for employees, but I'd love more of your thoughts on this concept!