Ambition Isn’t Selfish: The Truth About Wanting More

When I was reflecting on my goals for 2025, one word kept surfacing: rejection.

Stick with me.

For me, 2025 is the year of rejection. If I’m not getting rejected, it means I’m not trying. It means I’m not putting myself out there. It means I’ve stagnated.

I’ve accomplished a lot by letting opportunities flow to me. But I can’t stop thinking about what might happen if I relentlessly went after bigger opportunities? No hesitations, no second-guessing—just bold, unapologetic action.

This idea naturally brought me to something I see often in my coaching work: the guilt of wanting more.

“Am I Asking for Too Much?”

Have you ever caught yourself hesitating to set a bold goal? Maybe you’ve thought, “Who am I to ask for more?” Or maybe you’ve felt that pang of guilt when your ambition whispered, “This isn’t enough”.

I see it all the time with my clients—high-achievers with careers that many people envy, who feel like they’re walking a tightrope between being grateful for what they have and craving the next level. Some of them, like many of us, can’t fully celebrate their ambitions because they’ve internalized the belief that wanting more is selfish.

For many of us, this guilt often comes from a story we didn’t even write.

• Maybe it was handed down from family members who had to work twice as hard for half as much. And because of their hard work they wanted to protect you and warned you to “be thankful you’ve made it this far.”

• Maybe it’s reinforced by a workplace culture where ambition gets you labeled as “too much” or “not a team player.”

• Or maybe it’s rooted in fear—that asking for too much will make others uncomfortable, perceive you as greedy, or worse, that you’ll lose everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve.

These feelings are normal. But here’s the truth we don’t talk about enough: this guilt doesn’t make you more virtuous. It makes you smaller.

Go for It

So, if you remember nothing else from this post. Remember this:

Go for it.

• Go after the promotion.

• Write the book.

• Take the course.

• Change careers.

• Quit your job.

• Stay at your job.

• Make more money.

• Set boundaries.

• Start the side hustle.

Do you.

How does that make you feel?

Was it inspiring? Did you feel a fire in your chest, thinking, “Yes, this is my year?”

Or did you feel that swell of “what ifs?”

The fear of “what ifs” is normal.

But you know what’s even more powerful than fear? The belief that your dreams are worth chasing—even if you don’t have all the answers yet.

And truthfully, you don’t need permission from anyone else to start. You don’t need it from me, though I’ll happily dish it out. Sometimes, it just helps to hear it anyway.

Reframing Ambition as an Act of Generosity

Let me offer an alternative perspective: think of wanting more as an act of generosity, not selfishness.

When you go after more—more confidence, more money, more responsibility—you’re not just elevating yourself. You’re creating a ripple effect.

• When you negotiate for the salary you deserve, you’re raising the bar for everyone who comes after you.

• When you step into a leadership role, you’re creating opportunities for others to grow.

• When you build a career aligned with your potential, you show others that it’s possible to the same for themselves too.

Your desire for more isn’t a betrayal of gratitude. It’s your permission slip to do the things that you already know you can do, want to do, and deserve to do.

Why It Matters: Giving Yourself Permission to Fly

“Permission slips” have been on my mind lately, ever since scrolling past a post from

Jamie R Cox

, who shared her “f**k it” permission slip. I saw it on my feed, let out a chuckle, and thought “this is genius”. I see it come up in my coaching all the time.

It made me think about other times when I, my clients, or my friends encountered this theme of needing permission.

The theme that I see the most is around giving yourself permission to start.

To bet on ourselves.

To chase that dream we’ve been holding onto quietly in the back of our minds.

It all made me think about the fact that permission can be liberating.

Because the truth is, the moments that define us—the ones we look back on with pride—aren’t really the ones where we played it safe. They’re the ones where we showed up, took a risk, and decided to try.

Making it Real: 3 Tactical Steps

Let’s get tactical, here’s how you embrace this spirit of going after it:

1. Focus on the Action, Not the Outcome.
   It’s easy to get stuck in the spiral of what ifs, overanalyzing how things might turn out. Try untangling yourself from the outcome. Focus instead on just taking the first step.

   Dr. Theresa Amabile, a psychologist and professor at Harvard Business School, studied the role of small wins in creating motivation and momentum. In her research, she found that making incremental progress toward a goal is one of the most powerful drivers of motivation—what she calls “The Progress Principle”. You can think of it as a series of small actions that compound into big results. The act of taking a single step can ignite a sense of accomplishment that keeps you going.

   Dr. Theresa Amabile’s research shows that small wins drive big motivation. Even one small action—like pitching an idea, sending an email, or finally launching the thing you’ve been fantasizing about—can create a ripple effect, building confidence and momentum for your next move. Focus on what you can control: the effort. Let the results take care of themselves.

   And just in case you need it — here’s your permission slip: “I give myself permission to take action and, most importantly, let the outcome(s) unfold.”

2. Treat It Like an Experiment.
   When you try something new, there are only two possible outcomes: it works or you learn. Either way, you win. Notice how the outcomes I listed weren’t you win or you lose. Life isn’t a zero sum game.

   You’ve probably heard of Brené Brown, the author and researcher who has built a career studying vulnerability and courage. She often explores themes about embracing the risk of imperfection and how it’s essential to innovation and growth. In her book Daring Greatly, she highlights the idea that experimenting with courage—even when there’s no guarantee of success—is a defining trait of people who achieve meaningful goals.

   Building on Brené Brown’s research on courage and imperfection, it’s not about getting it perfect—it’s about showing up and being seen. Each ‘experiment’ you try is another way to strengthen that courage muscle. Take a bit of pressure off yourself. The pressure is what stops you from trying in the first place. Taking the pressure off frees you from the need to get it right the first time or the second time—and instead, open yourself up to growth.

   Permission Slip: “I give myself permission to learn as I go and make adjustments along the way.”

3. Borrow Courage From Someone You Admire.
   If you’re still encountering a bit of hesitation, you can find courage from external sources. Remember: you don’t have to (and shouldn’t) do everything yourself! Create your very own “What would ____ do?” manta.

   I’m reminded of Maya Angelou’s quote “I come as one, but I stand as 10,000.” There’s at least 10,000 other stories that helped shape your own. Use that to channel their energy and to remind you that you’re not alone in your journey. You absolutely can rent courage until it’s fully your own.

   When you channel someone who inspires you—whether it’s a friend, a mentor, a celebrity, or even a historical figure—you’re never truly alone in taking those bold steps. What would they do in your shoes? Channel their energy and make your move.

   Permission Slip: “I give myself permission to channel [insert person’s name] energy when I need to be bold.”

Let’s Talk

When you find yourself feeling guilty for wanting more, ask yourself this: Who benefits when I stay small?

The answer is almost always: not you.

Wanting more doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for what you have. It means you’re willing to honor the full scope of your potential. And I’d argue that’s the most selfless thing you can do.

IMO, the world doesn’t need more people playing it safe. It needs more people taking up space, owning their ambition, and showing others what’s possible when you dare to ask for more.