Stop Spiraling: How to Stay Motivated After Receiving Tough Feedback

NEW: You may have noticed that I’ve added an audio voiceover to this post. Each post (when time allows) will now include a voiceover from me, so that you can take my content with you on the go. Enjoy!

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When I was a director, I got blindsided by an email that could have easily derailed my confidence. It came from the CFO, with the company’s COO, CPO, and VP of Product copied for good measure. You know that feeling you get when someone pulls the cc game? Yeah, my stomach did a couple backflips.

The content of the email was direct and to the point: “Why hasn’t this project made progress?”

Yikes.

I was put on blast.

The project had stalled for valid reasons but none of that mattered in the moment. I went into full defense mode: firing off emails, scrambling to compile updates and context, and feeling an intense frustration that all my hard work was being ignored. I felt the weight of the blame and, quite frankly, I was pissed. You know the spiraling thoughts like…

Why was this on me?

How could they not see the obstacles I was navigating behind the scenes?

The whole thing resulted in a sense of shame. Not because I hadn’t found a way to process the feedback, create an action plan, and done the work—I had—but because I felt my reaction and my defensiveness was “unbecoming” of a leader.

I beat myself up over it, thinking: Why am I letting this get to me so much?

But here’s the twist. My manager at the time did something unexpected. After I apologized to him for getting upset about the email, he said, own it.

At first, I was confused but then he explained: “The way you reacted isn’t bad. It’s a signal that you care deeply about your work. That’s a strength, not a flaw. You just need to channel it productively.”

Yeah, my brain exploded.

He was right.

This wasn’t about defending myself or proving my worth; it was about taking control of my narrative, managing up, and finding the right allies to unblock critical work. That’s when I learned a crucial truth about high performance: you can care deeply about your work and be strategic about how you respond to criticism or roadblocks.

Reflecting on that experience got me thinking about a larger issue that high performers struggle with: feedback that’s hard to swallow—whether it’s shallow feedback or the direct, unvarnished feedback you start receiving as you climb the ladder.

While the callout I got from the CFO wasn’t shallow feedback, it delivered a similar emotional punch: the sting of being critiqued without context or packaging.

And I realized that if I wanted to be successful, I had to learn how to navigate it.

Feedback—whether shallow or sharp—often challenges us in the same way. It forces us to manage our reactions, separate the message from the delivery, and respond with clarity and confidence.

Quick note: this is not going to be a post with one of the many common feedback frameworks that you’d find by doing a simple Google search. This is shaped by my insights specifically from working directly with high performers (500+ hours in the last year) and what works to get over this particular challenge.

Let’s dive in.

The context: what are executive and shallow feedback loops?

High performers thrive on feedback. The good stuff, the tough stuff, the nitty-gritty details—bring it on. We want to improve, refine, and level up. Even if the feedback stings in the moment, high performers are typically capable of digesting it and bouncing back.

But here’s the catch: not all feedback is going to be delivered in the way that you prefer to hear it. In my experience, the two types of feedback that grate at high performers the most are: shallow and executive feedback.

Not learning how to process and work through either can be one of the biggest blockers to advancement for a high performer.

Let’s norm on some definitions:

• Shallow feedback: surface-level critiques with no real substance or actionability, often coming from people without the context or expertise to provide meaningful input. It’s frustrating for high performers because it feels like a waste of time—feedback for the sake of “feedback”.

• Or, executive feedback: direct, high-level feedback that’s packed with substance but lacks nuance or delivery. Executive feedback isn’t unqualified—but it can be unpolished, often abrupt, and laser-focused on outcomes rather than effort.

On one end, you have shallow feedback that leaves you unsupported.

On the other, executive feedback that feels biting and unkind.

Both can leave you spinning, questioning your value, and wondering how to move forward.

The cost of not knowing how to navigate shallow and executive feedback loops

So, here’s how these types of feedback show up in subtle and sometimes insidious ways. You might recognize these scenarios:

Examples of shallow feedback that leave you feeling unsupported and unseen:

• A stakeholder critiques your strategy without understanding its constraints

• You’re told to “be more strategic” with no actionable guidance

Examples of executive feedback that feels blunt and sometimes demoralizing:

• An executive asks, “Why isn’t this done yet?” with no acknowledgment of your progress

• Your work is dismissed as misaligned with company goals, with no direction on how to adjust

Left unprocessed, both types of feedback can lead to frustration, burnout, and disengagement, creating a cycle where you stop caring, play it safe, and check out emotionally. That’s a tragedy—not just for you but for the organization that misses out on your best work.

You don’t have to let it play out this way.

Whether the feedback you’re receiving is shallow or sharp, you can learn to navigate it with confidence, extract value, and respond strategically.

Breaking free: how for high performers can navigate shallow and executive feedback loops

That email thread experience stuck with me and as I worked with high performers over the years, I noticed a similar dynamic. Without the right tools to navigate them, executive and shallow feedback loops will leave you feeling frustrated.

If you’ve found yourself stuck in either of these feedback loops, here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay there.

Over the years, I’ve worked with clients who’ve faced these challenges and the solution often lies in a mix of self-awareness, strategy, and alliances.

Here’s a framework to help you navigate these moments productively:

1. Understand the nature of executive feedback

As you advance in your career, feedback will get more direct, less packaged, and potentially more biting. Executives and board members don’t have the time—or need—to soften the blow. Conventional wisdom will tell you to just “develop a thick skin” or not “let it get to you”. Those phrases don’t stick with high-performers. Let me offer an alternative perspective, one that has landed well with my clients. Over-indexing on analyzing your executives’ delivery of feedback will keep you from advancing. Spiraling on how your executive didn’t deliver feedback according to xyz framework keeps you stuck in middle management.

If you want to grow, you have to figure out how to process imperfect feedback.

Here’s your mindset shift: Your job isn’t to wait for kind, nuanced feedback. It’s to extract the insight, apply it, and deliver results.

When faced with executive feedback:

• First, recognize the intent. At this level, feedback is rarely about you. It’s about outcomes, risks, or alignment.

• Next, separate the tone from the message. Even sharp critiques often reveal gaps, priorities, or opportunities. It’s your job to find them.

• And finally, solve the issue and let results speak for themselves. Instead of defending your work, focus on closing the gap and showing your impact.

Leaders don’t wait for perfect feedback. They translate imperfect critiques into better results.

2. Contextualize the criticism

Not all feedback is created equal. Take a moment to assess the source:

• Is this person qualified to evaluate my work? If not, have they provided a perspective that’s new to me?

  • Note: Sometimes there are things to be learned from fresh/opposing perspectives.

• Are they offering actionable insights or just vague assessments? If the assessment is vague and untrue, do I truly care?

  • Note: The second part is key, you can take your frustrations to your friend group chat, vent, then come back ready to problem solve.

• This one is sometimes the hardest: is there any truth or value in what they’re saying, even if it’s clumsily delivered?

If the answers are “no,” it’s time to shift your focus to the work and move on from dissecting the feedback.

3. Channel the frustration

Remember Michael Jordan’s mantra: I took that personally.

Honestly, that’s exactly how I felt when the CFO’s email landed in my inbox.

But instead of spiraling (well to be truthful I did spiral), I learned how to channel that feeling into something productive, just like MJ.

Imagine if, instead of feeling demoralized, you could channel every piece of feedback—good or bad—into a stepping stone toward your next big flex at work?

When someone doubts your work, let it fuel your next level of excellence.

High performers can take those moments of doubt and turn them into fire—to refine, to overdeliver, and to prove the quality of their work.

4. Prioritize trusted voices

Surround yourself with people whose feedback you value: mentors, peers, or leaders who have the expertise to challenge and improve your work. These trusted voices act as a counterbalance to feedback that stings or feels too shallow, keeping you grounded and focused.

5. Build strategic alliances

This one is so important, don’t go it alone. Build relationships with people who can amplify your voice and shield your work from shallow critique:

• A trusted manager: A manager who knows the depth of your work can advocate for you and course-correct when unqualified criticism arises.

• Peer advocates: Peers who see your value can sometimes even shut down baseless critiques before they gain traction.

• Owning your own narrative: Proactively share your progress, successes, and roadblocks to prevent others from filling in the gaps with shallow assessments.

Turning frustration into fuel

That day I got the CFO’s email, I learned a critical lesson.

Here’s how the story ended: I finished the project and won the support of both the CFO and CPO, who saw how I took the feedback and used it to drive the project to completion.

Against all odds, I turned a moment of doubt into a success story. Here’s what I learned:

• First, I had to take control of my narrative. No one was going to advocate for my work if I didn’t make it visible and clear.

• Second, I needed to channel my frustration productively. Caring about my work wasn’t the problem; it was the key to my growth.

For high performers, the same is true.

Navigating tough feedback can be frustrating, even infuriating. But those pieces of feedback don’t define your worth or the value of your contributions. By owning your narrative, finding trusted allies, and refusing to internalize shallow feedback, you can rise above and deliver your best work—on your own terms.

So the next time someone offers you a shallow critique, take a deep breath, and remember: MJ taking it personally led to some of the best games of his career.

So, let their feedback fuel your growth and watch them marvel at the results.

Good luck!

See you next week.

Ashley

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Are you tired of feeling like your hard work isn’t fully seen or valued?

Do you wish you could handle feedback with confidence, showcase the strategic impact of your work, and position yourself as an indispensable leader?

Here’s how I help high performers like you:

• Reframe how your contributions are seen, so they connect directly to big-picture business outcomes

• Build confidence to navigate even the toughest feedback and advocate for your worth

• Create alliances and a career strategy that amplify your results and make your leadership undeniable

My clients have gone from feeling overlooked to negotiating significant salary increases (think high 5-figure to 6-figure increases), earning promotions to senior executive roles, and confidently navigating high-pressure situations with authority.

Let’s strategize your next career breakthrough.

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