How to Communicate with Your Boss to Get What You Actually Want at Work
A deep dive on six common manager archetypes, including tactical strategies and pitfalls to avoid If you want to move up
Welcome to Reframed! Work is complex, career advice shouldn’t be.
I'm Ashley Rudolph and I write this newsletter for people ready for the next level in their careers. Reframed readers describe the experience best: “It was really the perfect complement to coaching, because in those moments where I was like, I should message her, I was like, you know what? I swear, she wrote a newsletter about this.”
The high performers thriving today all have one thing in common: they manage up well.
I think a lot about how we spend most of our waking hours at work.
For many of us, the lesson was drilled in early: to succeed, you leave your “real self” at home. You clock in, do the work, stay polite, don’t cause trouble. Respect authority, follow the rules, repeat.
That script works for a while. But then one day it doesn’t; a missed promotion opportunity, a declined raise request, no real conversations about your growth. You realize success isn’t just about how well you follow the rules. Advancement turns into a different game, one where relationships matter just as much as results. And suddenly, you need a whole new set of rules to play by.
THE CONTEXT
Why Managing Up Is Critical for High Achievers
Here’s what my own data shows: in over 75% of my coaching sessions this quarter, we’ve talked about how to work better with my client’s managers.
75%!
That data point is one of a handful of signals that tells me a few important reasons why some high achievers feel stuck at work:
You already have hard skills, not mastering the right soft skills are barriers for advancement. Every single client I work with is excellent at what they do. But sometimes there’s friction around building a solid/productive relationship with their manager. The data supports this. Since 2007, employers have tripled the share of postings that emphasize collaboration, coaching, and influence, while language related to traditional supervision has steadily declined (Source: HBR + Free archive link - the rest of the article is really good too). Getting ahead depends less on how well you do the work, and more on how well you navigate people — especially your boss.
Managing up means building relationships. Cultivating a good relationship with your boss requires you to understand them. This may feel unnatural, particularly if you’ve advanced based on the quality of your work. But what really matters if you want to continue to advance in your career is understanding of how people work, how they think, and how you choose to work with them. I’ve noticed that my clients who get good at this skill function like they’re part strategist and part “psychologist” in the workplace. This guide to managing up in the WSJ is incredibly tactical (read: helpful) and centers relationship building.
Succeeding at work is about influence, not output. I will shout this from the rooftops every single chance I get, so here we go again: doing good work isn’t enough. It’s not about presenting work that’s good by some pre-determined objective measure, it’s about presenting your work/your thoughts/your insights/your opinions in a way that lands with your specific manager.
These mindset shifts unlock next level growth at work.
A LOOK AT THE DATA
How Did We Get Here?
The relationship you have with your manager is your single most important relationship at work. It can make your life heaven, a living hell, or somewhere in between.
Managing up isn’t people-pleasing. It’s knowing how to work with your manager, intuit their needs, and adapt to their quirks so you can actually get what you want at work—whether that’s more visibility, a promotion, or the raise you deserve.
This topic has been top of my mind for me recently, so I did a deep dive. Searches for “how to manage up” have nearly quadrupled since 2020, hitting record highs in 2024–2025 (via Google Trends). I believe that people are searching for tips on managing up because the realities of mass layoffs are now hitting the workplace— hard.
Managers are being asked to do more with less and the people who are thriving in this current context are high performing; they’re the people who are good at doing the work and are also experts in managing leaders who are stretched thin. It’s no longer a “niche” skill. In addition to the above, research from Harvard Business Review shows that the manager–employee relationship is one of the strongest predictors of engagement and retention.
The data is clear: if you want to move up, learning how to manage your boss’s unique personality is one of the most important skills you can build.
Conventional career advice and chats with your colleagues often stop at assessing the issue: “Here’s how to tell if your boss is a micromanager! Your boss isn’t present! Leadership changes their mind all the time and it’s frustrating!”
Identifying the problem can be helpful, cathartic even, but it doesn’t actually solve anything. It just keeps you stuck, annoyed, and probably stewing over the issue that you now can’t unsee 😥
So today, we’re getting into what managing up well really looks like —the level beyond the basics. Where you’re not just applying the fundamentals, you’re learning how to thrive no matter who’s in charge. The key here is knowing how to adjust your approach based on your manager’s style (good or bad).
I NEED YOUR HELP →
I’m doing some focused research on retention and upskilling top performers.
If you’re a senior HR or People leader (or know one), I’d love to set up a short, exploratory 20-min chat to hear what’s working (and what’s not). Happy to share anonymized insights from my work.
Just reply to this newsletter if you (or someone you know) are open to chatting 🙏
THE FRAMEWORK
Six Common Manager Archetypes (and How to Work Well with Them)
The first step in figuring out how to manage up successfully is understanding your manager. Below, I’ve outlined six common manager archetypes and how to communicate with each one so you can get what you want at work. Each archetype includes what it feels like to work with that type, my advice for how to deal with them, and common pitfalls to avoid.
Let’s get into it.
1. The Micromanager
Micromanagement is rarely about you, personally. There’s an exception: if your manager has flagged a performance issue, then their micromanagement is about how you’re working. In other circumstances, people micromanage because they haven’t yet established a level of trust with you, they are doing it to manage their own stress levels, or it’s related to their own working habits (control, perfectionism, etc). None of these reasons make micromanaging fun to deal with, but it does make it easier to depersonalize.
It may feel like they want to know everything, all the time. And you may feel like you can’t breathe without them asking for an update.
My advice: Get ahead of them. Proactively share updates and timelines. Once they trust your reliability, you’ll carve out more autonomy.
What to avoid: Don’t go off and disappear until the work is done. Yes, you’re focused on executing, but for a micromanager, keeping them updated is part of your work. It reduces hovering, follow-ups, and unnecessary stress. Should it be this way? No. Should you be trusted to do your job? Absolutely. But part of your job is also learning how to work with flawed humans, so update away 🙂
2. The Ghost
Working with a “ghost” (aka a manager that’s hands off) isn’t always bad. Sometimes they’re that way because they trust you. And sometimes that distance feels uncomfortable when you need guidance and support. Other times, they may be pulling a disappearing act because they have limited bandwidth, skill gaps, or are avoidant. The key is not to assume silence = approval—you still need to find a way to create clarity for yourself. Even if that clarity is a simple “looks good” from them.
My advice: Create visibility for yourself. Send structured updates, ask direct questions, and set your own guardrails when they don’t exist.
What to avoid: Don’t mistake silence for approval. A ghost boss won’t stop you midstream, but that doesn’t mean they’re aligned. I learned this the hard way. Early on in my career I had a ghost boss, who surprised me by saying they had no idea that I was working on a project. I had assumed my one update was enough to cut through the noise and, looking back, I understand why that wasn’t enough. At the time it was frustrating but I came to learn that ghost bosses require over communication, even when it feels redundant. If you don’t, you risk giving yourself extra work later and creating frustration on both sides.
3. The Last-Minute Critic
Many of you probably know the feeling of working for someone who just can’t get you feedback on a deliverable for weeks, then swoops in with a wave of comments right before the deadline. Whether the feedback is helpful or not, the last minute updates give you whiplash. You’re left dealing with making sense of the feedback and cutting through the anxiety of getting everything up to date before your deadline.
My advice: Build in checkpoints early, send drafts, and request feedback ahead of time. And while checkpoints can help, some managers will always wait until the last minute. Rather than fighting it, assume that’s their pattern and build it into your process. For high achievers, that might mean deliberately protecting time the day before a deliverable so you have space to absorb late edits without blowing up the rest of your priorities. By managing your schedule instead of trying to change theirs, you keep control and reduce stress.
What to avoid: Don’t treat receiving no feedback as the finish line. Assume they will jump in at the eleventh hour. Better to plan for it than be blindsided and resentful.
WORK WITH ME
If you read this and thought, “This is exactly what I need help with”, let’s talk. I’m opening my schedule back up for the fall. If you’d like to connect about working together, click the button below.
4. The Whiplash Boss
One week it’s Plan A, the next week it’s Plan Z. The constant shifts leave you feeling like the goal post is non-existent.
Why does this happen? Sometimes goals are shifting at the executive level, and your boss is simply reacting. Sometimes there are external pressures like competition, market changes, or even board input that you don’t see. Other times, the whiplash comes from inside: their own performance might be under scrutiny, they may be asked to justify their strategy, or they may just be indecisive and unsure of the right direction. None of that is comforting in the moment, but they’re all data points. And those data points help you decide how to handle reporting into a whiplash-causing manager.
My advice: Document everything. Recap changes in writing, clarify what’s sticking, and get sign-off. This creates accountability and helps you separate true shifts from knee-jerk reactions. Always confirm their priorities and understand if they’re aligned with your projects. If possible, learn what the company values (revenue, cost savings, innovation) and align your work to those goals.
What to avoid: Don’t rely on memory or informal chats to guide your work. With a whiplash boss, yesterday’s “great idea” may not exist tomorrow. Keep a paper trail, it’ll help you both.
5. The Non-SME
They don’t really understand your work but they call the shots. This can be a point of frustration for high achievers, specifically when it feels like you know more than they do about your area of expertise. It might be tempting to write them off. But don’t. Non-SME (SME = subject matter expert) managers often feel insecure about not being able to “help” you. They may even overcompensate in ways that frustrate you further: inserting themselves in decision making in ways that slow things down, prying, asking you to do duplicative work, etc.
My advice: Translate your work into their language—impact, outcomes, risks—and also look for ways to build mutual trust. Compliment them on the areas where they do have expertise or ask for advice in low-stakes situations where they can genuinely help. That signals respect and makes it easier for them to trust your judgment in return. And when you need technical guidance, look sideways; tap peers or mentors who actually understand your work.
What to avoid: Don’t fall into the mentor trap. You don’t always have to measure your boss against what you’d want in a coach or technical role model. They may never be that for you and that’s okay. Think of it as training for the C-suite: at some point, you’ll be the at the top of org chart as a subject-matter expert reporting to someone who likely isn’t. Your ability to work well with them determines how effective you’ll be. Why wait until then? Try learning how to excel at it now.
6. The Nightmare (Mismatch)
You’re oil and water.
There are archetypes that you can work with if you adjust your approach. And other times it’s just not a fit. Sometimes your styles are fundamentally misaligned — they value speed, you value thoughtfulness. Or they’re operating under a different set of incentives that don’t match how you’re wired. Sometimes it’s deeper: misaligned values, clashing communication styles, or a lack of psychological safety that no amount of tactics will solve.
My advice: When you recognize it’s not a match, shift your energy. In the short term, focus on survival: stay professional, document your work, and find allies. Get clear on what you need to maintain your performance and your sanity. In the long term, look ahead—whether that’s waiting for a reorg or planning your next move.
What to avoid: Don’t waste energy trying to “fix” them or win them over. Some relationships will never click. The best move is to protect your reputation, keep your work quality high, and redirect your effort toward what’s next (preserving your ability to walk away before things get toxic).
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Whether you have a great boss, a tough boss, or someone in between, every situation gives you something: a lesson about yourself, a perspective on how others lead, or practice for the kind of leader you’ll be one day.
Those lessons stack up.
They’re why I can write to you every week with clarity about work and leadership.
Adapting to your boss’s style isn’t just character-building. It’s how you get what you want.
More visibility.
Bigger projects.
Promotions.
Raises.
The next level of your career.
The choice is yours: ignore the relationship or learn from it, use it, and get what you want at work.
Good luck! See you on Thursday.
Ashley
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Thanks for giving us language on this! I have a Ghost Non-SME manager, and it's been...a struggle. But love the idea of overcommunicating, which honestly might be helpful given they don't know anything about my part of the business!
Hmm…