Reactivity is Killing Your Career—Here’s the Fix
Stop overanalyzing. Start leading. The simple mindset shift that changes everything.
Last week,
and I recorded an episode for Season 2 of The Impactful Conversations podcast. Our guest, Cathie Urushibata - Creative Director at Shake Shack, shared how one of the most important leadership lessons she’s learned was the power of listening, taking a pause, then reacting. That insight has been sitting with me throughout the weekend.It sparked another thought about how often high achievers, myself included, fall into the trap of jumping to conclusions. Many high achievers can pattern match, process information, and predict an outcome quickly or even lead with their intuition—this is what makes them great at what they do. But this strength can also be a trap.
LET’S HAVE FUN: A QUICK POLL
THE SCENE: STORY TIME
When Assumptions Go Wrong
Take the time when one of my direct reports was convinced that their colleague had an issue with them. They wanted to brainstorm options for corrective action. The facts as she understood them were incredibly stressful. There was clear evidence!
This person ignored an email!
This person’s responses were short in Slack!
This person purposely was not doing what was asked of them!
This person was actively trying to undermine her authority!
How could you not be stressed? Angry even?
When we dug in a bit more and I asked a few questions and empowered her to have a direct conversation, what did she uncover? The person was drowning with other work. They were going to get back to her as soon as they could come up for air, but admittedly were not being great about proactively communicating their overwhelm. They were just distracted with their own drama.
No corrective action needed. Crisis averted.
How many times have you convinced yourself that you knew what someone else was thinking?
Your manager sent a short email, so they must be upset with you.
Your colleague acted differently in a meeting, so they must have a problem with you.
Your boss scheduled a meeting with no context, so you must be getting fired.
Sound familiar?
The brain loves to fill in gaps, especially when we’re dealing with uncertainty. It’s a survival instinct. But what if, instead of filling in the blanks with worst-case scenarios, you simply asked one more question? That’s leading with curiosity.
THE SHIFT: WHY THIS WORKS
Why Curiosity Beats Assumptions
Leading with curiosity means replacing assumptions (“I know exactly why they did this”) with open-ended inquiry (“I wonder what’s going on here?”). Instead of assuming you know the full story, you pause and ask questions.
You give people the benefit of the doubt.
You do not, however, start planning revenge in the group chat before you even have the full picture.
Imagine you’re at work and you assume Sammy from accounting has a personal vendetta against you because he didn’t wave back at the coffee machine.
That’s your brain on assumptions. And let’s be honest, you don’t have time for that level of mess in your real life. If we lean too much into our assumptions:
We might interpret an introverted coworker is standoffish.
That a direct manager is cold when they’re just trying to be efficient.
That someone’s distracted mood is a personal slight against you.
When we assume, we turn personal interpretations into “facts”.
If you believe your colleague is ignoring you and, in response, you act cold, guess what? You just made that assumption a reality. You turned your insecurity into a self-fulfilling prophecy. And now Sammy actually thinks you have an attitude. That relationship might turn sour—not because of his intentions, but because of how you responded. It’s giving “I made up a problem and now I’m mad about it”. See below.
Thinking through other possible explanations is a simple mental shift can be the difference between unnecessary conflict and a meaningful conversation.
REALITY CHECK: THE IMPACT
When Assumptions Hurt Your Work
This habit doesn’t just sabotage relationships—it can negatively impact your work decisions too. Think about a time when you assumed a project would go smoothly, only to realize later that you missed key details. Or when you rushed into a decision without asking enough questions and it led to avoidable mistakes.
Curiosity forces us to slow down, challenge our instincts, and ensure we’re working with complete information before making big moves. The best teams and leaders actively cultivate curiosity because it improves:
Problem-solving: You get to better solutions by questioning assumptions.
Risk management: You identify potential obstacles before they become disasters.
Creativity & innovation: The best ideas come from people who ask, “What if?”
Decision-making: You avoid knee-jerk reactions and consider multiple perspectives.
Work quality: Asking better questions ensures fewer mistakes and stronger results.
So, how do you actually stop yourself from making assumptions and start leading with curiosity instead? It’s not always easy, especially when our brains are trained to jump to conclusions. I still struggle with this—I pride myself on my ability to make quick decisions and trust my instincts, but it’s also burned me.
The good news? You can retrain your thinking and approach situations with more openness and clarity—whether it’s navigating relationships or making smarter decisions at work.
THE FRAMEWORK: HERE’S WHAT WORKS
Your Leading with Curiosity Playbook
Here’s your Curiosity Playbook—a guide to handling common workplace situations with curiosity instead of assumptions. Leading with curiosity is how you shift from a reactionary to a strategic player.
What to Do When… Your Boss or Leadership Has Gone Silent
Use the Reassessment Rule → Before reacting, pause. Is this reality or just a story I’m telling myself?
Your boss hasn’t responded to your email in two days. You start spiraling—Are they mad? Did I mess something up?
Before you assume the worst, reassess:
Do they actually have all the info they need to respond?
Is my request clear, urgent, and aligned with priorities?
Did I make it easy for them to make a decision?
If your request was vague or buried in a long email, it’s not getting answered. Instead, craft a message that cuts through the noise and gets a response (aka executive communications). The following framework works for written or verbal interactions.
Here’s How to Follow Up Effectively:
Start with clarity → What’s the ask?
Give them context → Why does this matter now?
Make it easy to respond → What’s the next step?
Provide a recommended decision → Make it easy to approve.
Try this instead:
Subject: Decision needed by Friday – [Project Name]
Hey [Boss], I need a quick decision on [specific ask] by Friday to keep things moving.
Here’s the key context:
[One-line explanation of the decision needed]
[Relevant detail: timeline, risk, or opportunity]
[Any critical dependencies]
Recommended path forward: Unless you have concerns, I suggest we move forward with [concise recommendation].
Let me know if you’d prefer a different direction or need adjustments—I’m happy to refine.
You’ll win by flexing executive communication skills (outlined above). Silence isn’t always rejection—sometimes, your communication was hard to parse.
What to Do When… You Think a Colleague is Icing You Out
Try an Alternative Hypothesis → What else could be true? Assume info gaps, not malice.
You wave at your coworker in the hallway—they don’t wave back. They’ve been short on Slack. They skipped the last two team lunches. Your brain jumps straight to: They don’t like me. Did I do something wrong?
Instead of assuming tension, ask yourself:
Could they be overwhelmed with their own work?
Have they been acting differently with others, too?
Is there a chance they just didn’t see me wave?
Try a simple check in → “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter than usual—everything okay?”
People are fighting battles you know nothing about. More often than not, it’s not about you.
What to Do When… A Team Member Isn’t Getting You What You Need
Seek Clarity → When in doubt, ask. Assumptions create distance, questions build trust.
You’re waiting on an important deliverable from a colleague and the deadline has come and gone. Your instinct? They’re being careless. They don’t respect my time.
But before making it personal, ask:
Did they have all the information they needed to complete it?
Was the deadline as clear to them as it was to me?
Are they juggling competing priorities I don’t know about?
Instead of assuming negligence, take a strategic approach by proactively guiding the process. Your role isn’t just to chase a deadline—it’s to help clear the path for execution.
Try this template instead:
Subject: Quick Check-in – [Deliverable Name] Due Tomorrow
Hey [Name], just a quick reminder that [deliverable] is due tomorrow. Let me know if you’re on track or if any blockers have come up—I’m happy to help problem-solve if needed.
If the deadline has already passed, shift your approach to collaborative problem-solving rather than pure accountability:
Try This Template If They’ve Missed the Deadline:
Hey [Name], I was expecting [deliverable] by today—wanted to check in on where things stand. If anything unexpected came up, let’s figure out a plan to work through it. Let me know what support you need.
Your goal isn’t just to get the work done—it’s to leverage relationships strategically so you can move things forward without burning bridges.
What to Do When… You Want to Make a More Informed Decision
Use the Decision Filter → What info am I missing? Who would challenge me on this?
You’re about to green light a project, but something feels off. Instead of rushing forward, challenge your thinking:
What’s the biggest risk I’m not seeing?
If this fails, what will likely be the reason?
Who on my team might have a perspective I haven’t considered?
Instead of looking for reasons this will work, flip it. What’s the best argument against this decision? If it fails, what’s the most likely reason? Who would push back the hardest and what would they say? If you can’t stress-test your own thinking, someone else will—and probably at the worst possible time.. Asking these questions before committing can save you from avoidable mistakes.
Pro-tip: If you want to become a better decision maker, I’ve been loving Decisive by Chip and Dan Heath. If you’re short on time, here’s a book review that includes frameworks I’ve found helpful.
What to Do When… Someone Schedules a Surprise Meeting and It’s Giving You the Heebie-Jeebies
Try the Delay Principle → Not all silence is rejection, not all slowness is failure, not all surprises are negative. Zoom out.
You get a last-minute meeting invite with no context. Your stomach drops. Am I in trouble? Is something bad happening?
Before spiraling, zoom out:
Have you seen a pattern of these meetings leading to bad news or is your brain filling in gaps?
Could this be something neutral—or even positive?
Can I ask for context to ease my mind?
Steal this simple check in formula to gather context: “Hey, saw the invite for today/tomorrow/next week—anything I should prep beforehand?”
Nine times out of ten, it’s just a meeting, not a firing squad.
SCREENSHOT THIS → SHIFT FROM REACTIONARY TO STRATEGIC
Leading with curiosity isn’t just about avoiding unnecessary drama—it’s about making better choices, being more strategic, and ultimately, creating stronger relationships and better results in every area of your life.
THE WRAP UP
The Bottom Line
Assumptions create distance. Curiosity builds bridges.
The next time your mind starts crafting a worst-case scenario, pause and ask yourself: Do I actually know this to be true?
Curiosity doesn’t just make work easier—it makes you better. More strategic. More insightful. And way less stressed.
We've all worked with the person that could yap off a laundry list of reasons why we shouldn't do something or why a new idea or project wouldn't work. And, we all know how annoying that can be. But the person who finds a way to strategically ask the right questions? To lead the group to inquiry and shared decision making? That person leaves a lasting impression each time.
Good luck!
See you next week,
Ashley
ONE FINAL THING →
Such valuable tips, thank you!