Pushing for Change Without Sacrificing Your Relationships at Work

Nov 04, 2024

Last week, I had a fantastic conversation with Brie Abramowicz about doing the delicate dance of driving for change at work without sacrificing your professional relationships and alliances.

Here’s the thing: leading change, advocacy (for yourself and others), and being someone with ambition often generates a bit of tension.

I often found myself in these positions at work (lucky me, right?!). In my experience, the biggest lesson I've learned over my career is this:

Don’t sacrifice relationships for an end goal.

Let’s talk about why this matters and how I learned to navigate the intersection of relationships and results.

Projects Have an Expiration Date, but Relationships Don’t Have To

Every project has an end date.

Every role you take on will eventually lead to another. Promotions, transitions, and career pivots are inevitable.

But relationships? Those are a different story.

Relationships can outlast our time at a company and often play a bigger role in our long-term success than any single project we lead.

I’ve been in situations where driving for change was my mandate. I’ve also experienced the pressure to push hard—sometimes too hard—to get the end result. And I did just that — I led with brute force, quickly and sometimes without compassion. Sometimes I hit my goals (in spite of my approach) and other times I didn’t and I had to deal with the fall out from it all.

In high stakes situations, it’s easy to focus solely on the outcome and forget the importance of building bridges along the way. What I didn’t realize at the time was that hitting a goal means little if the relationships fray along the way. Those moments taught me that I didn’t have to choose between being end-goal oriented OR people first, direct OR compassionate. Instead, there’s a way to lead that preserves both outcomes and the connections that make those outcomes meaningful.

Building Lasting Relationships—Even When Pushing for Change

Some of the most successful people I know don’t necessarily have the loudest voices, the most senior titles, or yield the most influence in a room. Instead, they’re the people who show up consistently, who listen more than they speak, and who’ve built genuine relationships that stand the test of time. Here’s how to cultivate those lasting connections:

Focus on Shared Goals
Even if your change initiatives or goals seem challenging, there’s likely a shared objective that everyone can get behind. Start there. Framing your advocacy in terms of shared goals can often turn a “me vs. them” mindset into the spirit of “we”. For instance, if you’re proposing a new strategy that will shake up existing processes or teams, show how it will ultimately benefit the team as a whole, making their work easier or more impactful—it’s not about your personal agenda.
Lead with Empathy
When pushing for change, remember that change can feel unsettling to others (and for good reason!). Even if it’s the “right” change, people are naturally resistant to the unfamiliar. Understand that each person’s concerns are valid, and approach those conversations with empathy. Consider their perspectives and acknowledge the challenges they might face with the change. It makes your advocacy stronger because it becomes about collaboration rather than coercion. Every piece of feedback won’t dictate the outcome, but sometimes listening and explaining why things have to proceed as planned goes a long way.
Stay Curious, Not Defensive
When your ideas are met with resistance or skepticism, try to stay curious rather than defensive. Ask questions to understand the pushback. Is it a matter of timing, resources, a lack of understanding, or something else entirely? This doesn’t just make you more effective at enacting change; it also signals that you value others’ input, which strengthens relationships in the long run.
Show Appreciation for Other Perspectives
It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting others to see things your way, especially if you’re advocating for something you strongly believe in. But remember: other perspectives can reveal blind spots in your strategy or help refine your ideas. Even if you don’t agree with every opinion, appreciating the diversity of perspectives builds trust and can make people more receptive to your proposals.
Celebrate Small Wins Together
Change often takes time, and major transformations can feel like a marathon. Celebrating smaller victories along the way not only keeps momentum but also shows that you’re in it with your team. Recognize individuals who contributed, appreciate the group’s adaptability, and highlight positive impacts. When people feel included and valued, they’re more likely to champion the change you’re advocating for.

Why This Matters Long-Term

Look - we live in a world where people change roles, organizations, and industries more frequently than ever before. Because of this, relationships are one of the few constants in our professional lives.

Projects come and go, but the memories of how we approach them linger.

If you’ve ever tackled an initiative only to face subtle pushback, you know the weight of it—the way team members begin to withdraw, their enthusiasm quietly fading. A lack of buy-in can manifest in small but telling ways: ideas that once sparked collaboration are now met with half-hearted nods and colleagues become polite but distant.

There’s a particular kind of friction that builds in these moments, a tension that’s hard to ignore. It can feel like pushing a boulder uphill alone when the goal you’re fighting for meets resistance. The more you press forward without shared trust, the more at risk that goal becomes, and what once felt like progress starts to feel increasingly like isolation.

When relationships are strained, the experience of pushing for change becomes exhausting. People remember those moments—not just the results of the project, but the energy you brought into the room, the way you handled disagreement, and whether they felt respected in the process.

Strong relationships transform even the toughest projects into shared wins, while fractured ones can make every step forward feel like a step apart. But when you invest in genuine connections, those same colleagues are more likely to remember you as someone they can count on, someone they’d want to work with again, someone they’d recommend. And that trust can open doors you hadn’t even thought to knock on.

A powerful example I’ve seen time and again is when past colleagues reconnect with me to collaborate, to hire me as a coach, or to send me a referral, often years after we’ve worked together. These reconnections aren’t random—they’re built on the foundation of mutual respect and shared success from previous experiences.

Advocating for Change Without Sacrifice

Advocating for change doesn’t mean giving up on your goals or settling for less. It’s about leading with intention, a sense of purpose that respects both the outcome you’re after and the people who will help you achieve it. It’s about knowing that you can stay true to your vision while preserving integrity in your relationships—one doesn’t have to cancel out the other.

Here’s my takeaway:

Don’t sacrifice relationships for a single outcome. Success isn’t about the boxes we tick or the projects we complete; it’s about the way we connect with others as we pursue these milestones. Real success means leaving people feeling respected, valued, and motivated—feeling like they want to work with you again, whether it’s tomorrow or ten years from now.

So, I’ll ask you this: Have you had times where you needed to advocate for change and preserve relationships? How did you make it work?

Drop your thoughts or stories in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’ve navigated this delicate balance.

Want to Go Deeper?

If this post resonated with you, I encourage you to check out my (free) Year-End Reflection Guide for Leaders. This resource is designed to help you step back, assess your impact, and set powerful goals for the coming year. Inside, you’ll find tools and strategies for crafting a meaningful legacy—one that reflects your vision, values, and the relationships you cultivate.

Visit my website for more insights, resources, and ways to connect.