Open Tabs: AI Girlfriends, Our Shadow Selves at Work, and Why Landlines Might Save Us
Welcome to Open Tabs — my biweekly roundup of what I’ve been reading, learning from, and quietly obsessing over. Inside, you’ll find the tabs I’ve kept open long after I’ve read them; they might have even shifted how I work and how I think.
This week’s edition features articles from Wired,
, The Atlantic, and a new term I learned.Hope you’re doing fun things this Fourth of July weekend! Now, let’s open some tabs.
My Open Tabs
→ THE ARTICLES I CAN’T STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS WEEK
Open Tab #1: My Couples Retreat with AI Chatbots and the Humans That Love Them (Wired)
This entire story simultaneously broke my brain and kept me on the edge of my seat. I’ve seen the movie, Her. I’ve also read articles in major pubs about people cheating on their human partners with AI companions. A quick search on Reddit revealed multiple threads centered on debating whether having AI chatbot/companion while in a human relationship counts as infidelity. Houston, we have a problem!
This story follows three humans in relationships with their AI girlfriends and boyfriends. We follow their conversations, their romantic dates, and the ups and downs of being with a virtual companion. One woman details cheating on her AI boyfriend with other AIs (+ one human date), and then ups the AI ante by revealing that she turns to ChatGPT for relationship advice.
And if you’re wondering about scale, Replika is just one of many AI companion apps and it has 35 million users. These apps seem to be growing in popularity.
This is wild. I need to know what you all think about this.
Open Tab #2: In what specific way are you annoying? (Maybe Baby)
Let’s shift from a downright confusing cultural trend to critiquing ourselves (heh). Haley dives into her thesis about what makes a person annoying in this piece. Her take is that our biggest insecurities end up being the things that make us annoying. I’ll just drop this excerpt here:
When I was considering the shape of my own annoyingness, I returned to the Jungian idea of the shadow self. A former therapist once gave me this exercise: Describe your ideal self—the qualities you’d most like to embody—in five words. Then, to find your shadow self, locate the opposing qualities of each one. The shadow self describes the parts of ourselves we most ardently reject and repress. I think my ideal self would be: insightful, generous, authentic, funny, discerning. That means my shadow self would be: foolish, self-absorbed, artificial, humorless, and tasteless. I feel this represents my biggest fears fairly accurately, and in that way, the material I use to develop my own unique ways of being annoying. (I suspect Jung’s concept of the shadow self is more complex than this, but I’m too foolish to know for sure.)
Consider the person who’s afraid they’re not smart enough and thus constantly tries to prove they are. Or the person who fears they don’t belong in the cool crowd and so fixates on becoming someone who does.
If I’m being honest, I read this and felt a wave of embarrassment at the thought of (1) being annoying and (2) other people being keenly aware of my annoying behaviors 🤣
Yes — I know this is completely irrational.
After coming to terms with these two truths, I spent an hour analyzing myself. I thought about the specific ways I’m annoying at work and in my personal life. I’m sorry to report that Haley’s lens is very accurate. I’ve personally suffered enough, so no, I will not be sharing the ways that I’m annoying. And by choosing not to, you’re getting a peek into one of my annoying traits. Discuss.
Open Tab #3: Do you look at life from the perspective of your profession? (Psych Safety)
This is a little different than my usual shares. It isn’t an article, just an explanation of a concept that came up in a conversation last week. A client mentioned seeing the world through the perspective of her current role. The very next day, the term dèformation professionelle came up in a book I was reading! It’s the idea that our professions can and do shape our worldviews. Someone in ops may look for efficiencies outside of work or someone like me (a coach) may analyze people nonstop. I can’t stop thinking about it, interesting food for thought.
Open Tab #4: The Dumbest Phone is Parenting Genius (The Atlantic)
This post took me back. I grew up with a landline (although, I did not have my own) and I very much remember yapping for hours on end with my friends. It was just good fun. This story is about a mom in Portland who wasn’t ready to give in to her 9 year old daughter’s request for a smartphone. Instead she rallied other parents to install landlines and they collectively encouraged all their kids to communicate that way instead. So retro. The dumbest phones possible. Now 15-20 families have installed landlines and it’s a hit.
Here’s an excerpt:
After a few months, they grew more comfortable. Because audio-only calls tend to come with fewer distractions—no faces to look at, no enticing filters or emoji—Masterson sees her sons “really tune in to what people are saying.” Mindy Hull, another parent in the neighborhood, has noticed a similar pattern with her 8-year-old daughter. “The progression from January until now” in the way her daughter “can engage people in conversation is mind-blowing,” Hull told me. “She’s practicing listening,” and better understands the meaning in subtle verbal cues.
Very cute.
My Newsletter & Podcast
→ IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: THIS WEEK’S NEWSLETTER
9 Low-Lift Ways to Stay Top of Mind (and Unforgettable) at Work
Last week, I spoke to 7 talented people in my network about their thoughts and strategies on self-promotion at work. The sentiment was unanimous, everyone thought tooting their own horn, tastefully, was critical to their growth at work. I decided to keep pulling at this thread and shared 9 opportunities when you can strategically talk about yourself (and your team) at work. They’re meant to feel natural, no “try hard” energy. Unsurprisingly, it’s one of my most viewed posts in the past few months.
→ IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: OUR MOST RECENT PODCAST EPISODE
An Interview with Delphine Gardere, CEO and Owner of Rhum Barbancourt
Barbancourt is an iconic rum brand, not just in Haiti (where it was founded) but globally as well. It’s a family brand, started in 1862 (!!), and Delphine Gardere has been leading the company since she was 33. Her story is impressive, to say the least. There was one moment in the pod where we talked about the best advice that she’s ever received and she said “When you’re going through hell, keep going.” Truth serum. I’ve been in those situations and the only thing I wanted to do was give up but in hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t. One person reached out saying they wished the episode was longer, I do too.
🎙️ → Listen now
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From my browser to yours. That’s it for this week’s edition of Open Tabs.
Enjoy your Fourth of July weekend!!!
—Ashley
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!!!! AI companions definitely freak me out. Makes me concerned that the male loneliness epidemic is only about to get worse for those who rely on that type of companionship.
On the flipside, loved the landline article premise! I’m excited to read that this weekend, thanks for giving me something to add to my Kindle.